The Shoemaker and the Three Elves
by Kodiak Bear Country
Summary: Short drabble in response to the SGAHC Boot challenge, humor, set in season two but no spoilers.


**AN: A short little drabble in response to the 5 minute Boot challenge on SGAHC yahoo group. **

**The Shoemaker and the Three Elves**

**A Kodiak Bear Country Production **

"I can't believe this," swore Sheppard. "We travel to the other side of the universe, only to find a planet that directly resembles the Everglades."

Ronon and Teyla sported perplexed looks, while McKay picked a glop of goo off his shirt, flicked it to the ground in disgust, and said, "Does that mean there'll be gators here? Because, seriously, the thought of being eaten alive by a six foot glorified purse makes me want to run like a girl."

"I'm sure your intellect will scare them off, Rodney."

Just then, the murky water was disturbed, and four pairs of eyes sought the slight waves making a slow progression their way.

Sheppard was the first to speak, taking a step backwards. "Maybe we ought to," he thumbed back towards the gate, "get a bigger gun – or something."

"Perhaps we should," agreed Teyla, staring uneasily as the movement continued towards them.

Walking backwards, in a bog, being bitten by insects, and being thoroughly damp, was miserable enough, but now they had the added concern of what was clearly ahead of them, and what may be behind. It was no small relief when John felt the back of the DHD stop his progress, and he quickly flipped around and began dialing.

"Hurry," urged McKay. "I think its hungry."

"How would you know its hungry?" Sheppard kept dialing even as he asked.

Ronon's baritone voice mixed in with the chirping and buzzing of the insects. "Because it's staring at us."

Sheppard's hand stilled, and he turned. Indeed, eye stalks had popped from the water's surface, and were rotating at them frantically. Everyone stood silent – riveted by the sight, until suddenly the eyes retreated, and the water began churning crazily as the creature decided they were worthy of attack.

"Holy crap, dial the gate, what are you waiting for -" McKay pulled his nine mil and started shooting. "The second coming, or something?"

"I'm dialing!" snapped Sheppard.

"Colonel -" urged Teyla, beginning to shoot her weapon.

The water continued to churn, and now they had maybe a foot before it reached them. Damn it, why didn't any of these DHD's come with speed dial? You'd think the supergeeks of the universe could've managed to come up with that one on their own –

"Sheppard, look out!" Ronon shouted.

It wasn't so much that Ronon shouted, thought Sheppard, as he nailed the last symbol down, but that Ronon sounded panicked, and as he tried to move any which way other than remaining where he was, he knew it was probably too late.

The sharp pain shooting up his leg confirmed his worst fear. "Shoot it!" he yelled, dancing around trying to shake it off.

"I can't see anything!" retorted McKay. "You're in the way!"

"OH, I'm so SORRY for being in the WAY, but when an alien alligator has you by the LEG, it's rather difficult to MOVE!"

Despite the inability to see, Rodney started firing rapidly towards the general vicinity of what John thoroughly hoped was the creature's body. The pain slackened, and he yanked his leg back so fast he almost fell over in the water.

"Go!" he shouted. "Before more show up wanting in on the appetizers!"

Ronon gave him an arm up, and Teyla pushed a freaked McKay forward. They got through the gate, and stood dripping in the gateroom. Well, maybe stand was optimistic.

McKay collapsed to the floor, pale and swearing. "Oh, shit. I can't believe we were almost eaten by the swamp thing."

"You?" Dazed, Sheppard dropped beside Rodney. "And what were you thinking, shooting at me when you couldn't see?"

"I'm terribly sorry, next time I'll be sure to not shoot, and let the nice little alien critter eat you. Not to mention, you told me to!"

Both men stared at one another: one in pain and angry, still coming down from the adrenaline rush, and the other panicked, worried and under his own dose of anger. They continued to stare, until finally McKay's gaze was diverted by the growing puddle of red under Sheppard's leg.

"You're bleeding everywhere," he pointed out wisely. "Where is Carson? Doesn't he realize Sheppard's been bitten by god knows what, and the germs – and we're probably molding right now, could we get going already?"

Ronon's lips twisted in amusement, and he hefted Rodney back to his feet, before reaching down and doing the same to Sheppard, but leaving his steadying hold on the colonel.

Elizabeth was making her way down the stairs and looking at them incredulously. "What happened?"

Sheppard pasted a boyish grin on his face and said, "We came, we saw, we got attacked – but hey, at least I still have my boots on." And he looked down at the combat boot that, while still technically on, was chewed and mangled bits of leather now. "Uh, mostly on," he amended.

Weir's eyes tracked down to his damaged foot, and she swallowed at the sight. "Maybe we should debrief after you've been to the infirmary," she said faintly.

"We will assist Colonel Sheppard into Doctor Beckett's care," assured Teyla, squelching water as she began moving out.

Rodney's head was bowed, as he followed her, and Sheppard hopped alongside Ronon, gamely trying to keep his balance. As they left the room, Elizabeth could've swore she heard Sheppard mutter something about going back to get the body, and making the alien gator skin into a new pair of boots –

The End


End file.
